Feeling Sorry for Myself

I have everything.  I have an amazing home, a job that offers challenges each and every day, a son who is so much fun and worth every breath in life.  But none of that means a darn thing without the love of your life.

I can't help to be sad and feel guilty.  There are so many who deserve to have a pity party, and I feel that I shouldn't be one of them.  My problem is far less significant.  But I can't help the way I feel.  I welcome change.   I love it.  I do NOT love it when that change effects my family.  I find stability and strength in my home life.  I love it, and would never give it up. 

Dave has been away for a week and a few days now.  He is out of town for work.  He leaves on Monday, and comes home on Thursday.   The thing is.....I close the store on Thursday, and then I open the store on Friday.  UGH!!  So, I don't see Dave until Friday evening.

The worst part is that Dave has Owen in the evening.  This is a rough time for Owen.  Poor guy is cranky with Dave.  I think I have him figured out, and I thought Dave did too.  I guess maybe Owen just wants mom.  The whole thing breaks my heart!!!!!!!!!!!  Not to mention puts more pressure and stress on us.

Owen is a good baby.  I am doing fine without Dave.  But, I miss him.  Two and two can be
 together, but unless they equal four, they are separate.

Probably 3 or 4 more weeks, and we'll be done.  Until the next job that takes him away. 

I guess I am fortunate to love so much it hurts.

Mommy and Owen's First Day

Phew!!!  Glad that one's over....Phew!  Glad it went PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Owen was amazing!  Amie (our babysitter) is in love with our son!  She said that he was having a blast watching the other children play :-)  She said he was smiling at everything!  I said, "Yup, that's Owen!"  She said, "He didn't sleep much.....just power naps"  I said, "Yup, that's Owen!"  She said, "When he slept, the big loud noises didn't wake him!"  I said, "Yup, that's Daddy working around the house!" :-)

Owen did great, and so did his mommy!  I have gotten really good at removing myself from personal feelings and beliefs when at work.  That's what my previous jobs have taught me, and I have been so fortunate to learn.  When anyone said, "How are you doing with the baby gone?" I said, "I'm trying not to think about it."  They were kind enough to change the subject, and I was short enough to hold it together.  I lost it on the phone with Amie.  I was happy, relieved, sad and proud!  I know Owen's good!  I know he transitions well!  I know he's social :-) 

But, I was worried that he would forget his mom.  I was worried that I have learned his whole life's routine, and he would do things foreign to me.  I was worried to not know my son.  I never want to be unable to predict his mood.  I know him so well.  I do not want to lose that.

When I got home, after picking him up, Owen was sleeping.  Dave picked him up out of the carseat,  which woke him up, but was pleasant.....even though he was 1/2 hour past his eating time.  Owen looked at me, and with is flirty eyes, gave me a glorious smile!!!  YAHOO!!!  Thanks, Owen!!!  I needed that!!!!!!!  It was a look that I have never seen before.  I feel weird saying that he was giving me his flirty look, but......I am his first love, right!!!???!? 

Dave and I went to dinner to celebrate our new transition :-)  Owen was perfect, of course!

When we got home, I was on the phone, and we put Owen on our bed just to hang out while we got ready for the rest of the night (comfy clothes, hair up, makeup washed) when Dave started playing with Owen.  I had to wrap up my conversation because we witnessed something we have never seen before.  A laugh.  Oh, he's giggled before, but this was a laugh!!!!!!!  Big 'ole BELLY LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!  I was able to catch the tale end of it, but hopefully you get the idea of what we got to witness :-)

Owen, you knew EXACTLY what we needed to make us feel good today!  WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Owen's Two Month Check-up

Tuesday.  From now on, Tuesdays are reserved for Dr appointments, now that I will be returning to work.  OH, Work!  Owen is doing a lot better, and has become such a joy.  I am NOT looking forward to this new transition.  I am forced to instill my trust into several caregivers, but it will be good for all of us :-)  M, W, F, Owen will be going to a woman whom I have never met before I basically knew that she was my only choice.  In this small town, there are not many openings, and then the ones who were available are bullied by this woman who may have an opening, and they do not want to take the business away from her.  So, my neighbors HIGHLY recommended this woman who lives right behind my work.  To quote my one neighbor "she doesn't give a (bleep) about bullies."

Well, I met her, and I LOVED HER!!!!!!!!  So M, W, F Owen will be going to her home during the day.  I am not working on Tuesdays, so that will be our special day (and days of Dr appointments).  I don't have to go in until 1:30 on Thursdays, so Dave's mom and my mom are alternating Thursdays between 1:30 and 4:30 (when Dave gets home)  then Dave will have him for the rest of the evening.  I work every other weekend, and Dave will watch Owen (unless he gets his mom to watch him while snowmobiling...lol) on those days and evenings.

As you can see, Owen will be exposed to many different types of relationships.  I know he will thrive, but I also know I will hurt.  It is good for me too because my life has only been about taking care of a child for the past 10 weeks.  My!  How far we've come!!!!!

Well, back to his appointment (sorry for my usual off track mind!).  Owen weighed 14lbs 11ozs (8.5 at birth).....putting him in the 93rd percentile.  His head (this one's for you, Sara!) was 41 inches, placing him in the 67th percentile.  He measured 24 1/2 inches long (20 inches at birth)....89th percentile.

I am VERY pleased with his progress!!!!!!  His Dr was excited about his head control.  Owen is reportedly controlling his head like a 4 month old.  YAY!!!!  That's my boy!!!!!  His Dr also said that she saw a huge progress with his head shape!  I think that it was our early intervention and constant work that has gotten his head almost perfectly round :-)

Owen's Dr said that he should meet with a baby photographer.  I tend to agree, but my opinion is a little bias!  He filled the first half of his appointment with giggles and smiles for his Dr.  It was so fun!

The second half....not so much!  His shots :-(  He was a champ!  The nurse was really quick.  He screamed, I scooped him up, and comforted him.  Once I let my grip go the slightest (to get him dressed), he screamed again!  He wanted his mom....and never to let him go....awwww!!  So I nursed him, and he fell asleep, and was perfect after that!  What a good boy!  We are so proud of him!!!!!!!!!!

So Monday is the dreadful day back to work.  It will be so busy that hopefully I'll forget all about my worries!

Baby Talk

no words needed.

Happy Halloween / 6-7week pictures

When I was pregnant, I bought Owen a costume at the Carter's outlet.  So glad I did!  I remember buying a 3 month size, and my mom saying, "he'll be swimming in it!"  Well, Halloween came about, I thought, "Gee, I hope he'll fit in it!" 

He did!  Owen's costume fit perfectly (a week before Halloween)!  We went to the firehouse's (the one that my dad is a member of) Halloween party. What a great way to show off his costume!  We had so much fun!  There were kids of all ages, and of all costumes.  They had a Hunted House for all ages, and games, too!  We went trick-or-treating there, too!  We walked down the halls of the firehouse.  There were members in the doorways of the offices in their office chairs, handing out candy :-)  What a great idea!!!  We had a blast!  Nonna, Grandpa Paul, Aunt Jess, Uncle Frank (and kids), Aunt Amanda and Uncle Bryan (with kids) were there...what a great family event!  So laid back, and so much fun!!!  I am taking notes for our other family events....LOL!  Here are some pictures of our Halloween event....some from home, and some from the firehouse :-)

Our little Penguin :-) (6 weeks)

Owen at his cutest, yet <3 (6 weeks)


Frankie and Anthony (Jessica and Frank's (Owen's cousins)) were Thomas The Train Sr and Jr..LOL

Aunt Amanda and Uncle Bryan (with Bryan Paul, Madyson and Jamyson) dressed as a Peter Pan theme.  This was Bryan Paul's (Peter Pan) idea.  Bryan (my brother) was Captain Hook, Amanda (My SIL) was Wendy, Bryan Paul was Peter Pan, Mady was Tinker Bell and Jamyson was the crocodile.  The dictation of everyone's roles' were said by Bryan Paul....what an organized, smart boy!!!

Every time we get the "triplets" together, we HAVE to take pictures!  Here they are in their costumes sleeping in there matching (sort-of) strollers/carseats (6 weeks old)

 Above is Owen's first time in the Bumbo. I know that there are some who are contraversal about this, but we think it helps with his head formation and neck function.  It actually has been recommended by Physical Therapists in the area for that exact reason. (6 weeks old)

Below is a picture of Grandma (Dave's mom...who gave him these ultra comfy lined overalls) holding Owen.  I have learned that grandparents mean the world to grandchildren, and I have vowed to assure that Owen (and any new Weiss's) know and love their grandparents.  I have neglected to have the camera on hand for Nonna's (My mom) visits....my apologies....but Owen will know both well, because they both will be alternating babysitting on Thursdays form 12:30 - 4:30 while I am at work. And we are soooooo greatfull!!!  (6 weeks old)

;

 Below is a picture of Michelle holding Owen.  Michelle is Andrew's (my cousin) fiance.  She volunteered to babysit.  I had to keep reminding her that Owen was having a good day :-)  Here he is in his night-time gear.  He sleeps in a sippered onesie (thanks to Nonna for all the extras) and a sleep sack (with an undershirt onesie)....sooo comfy!!!
(6 weeks old)

 Another picture of Owen is below.  I know he hates the Bumbo right now, but, boy!!!  He looks cute in it!!!!!! (6 weeks old)

 Can you believe that Owen is here watching Nascar with Dave!?!?  It was soooo cute!  We say that Owen is "just chillin"

 Now here Owen is.  Ultra Special!!!  He is on his very heavy, very warm blanket made by Aunt Sara (Dave's sister) and in the outfit that Aunt Jess (my sister) gave Owen.  He was so cute, and sooo comfy!!!  YAY! (7 weeks)

So there you go!  Owen!  I cannot wait until his Dr appointment to see where our late-night feedings have gotten us!  PS....he is in 6 moth clothes now...Ahhh!!!

Owen found his thumb!

Well, Owen found his thumb :-)  I am happy about this.  His thumb will not wake him up in the middle of the night and I have to out it back in (like a pacifier).  I have a friend that said she did not want her girl to find her fingers/thumb because it's a hard habit to break.  Any habit is hard to break.  I am looking forward to having this be a constant, and hopefully leading to a full night's sleep :-).  Here is a picture of his new found friend :-)

Owen's smile

Owen has granted us with a smile!  His smiles have been random, but Daddy has figured out how to get a smile on demand.  For those of you who only read the email, you cannot view the video.  Go to the blog, http://wmiracles.blogspot.com/ to view the video.  It's soooo cute!!!

Here is the best smile ever that he has given us!!

And here is another picture that is awesome!  We were ready to go out grocery shopping.  This is a hat that Aunt Sara (Dave's sister) made for us.  We get compliments every time we go out.  Dave's mom witnessed those compliments when we went to the Dr :-) He is also in the outfit that Aunt Jess (my sister) got all of the "triplets" for our photo-op.  We are lucky to have a great family!!!

I love him more and more, and the days are getting easier.  I am slowly not wanting to go back to work, where as a few days ago, I was begging to get back to work....so that's a good sign!

1 month appointment

WOW!!!!  Owen had his 1 month appointment!  YAY!!  I love these.  It gives me a fresh inspiration that our late night feedings and stressful fussy times are doing something! 

Owen measured 24 inches (20 inches at birth)......97th percentile
He weighed 11.10lbs (8.5 at birth)......83rd percentile
His head measured 38.5.....54th percentile (I am debating that one....his head is huge!)

We have been concerned about Owen's head.  You have read that we are in love with his magical bouncy seat.  Well, Owen is in love with it too much.  His Dr warned us about the over-use, and I thought that we were fine because this bouncy seat is deep, and not like other ones.  Well, Dave pointed out that his right side is favored, and was a little flat.  His left side, which is not favored, was developing a bump, suggesting that his plates were shifting.

Our Dr agreed that she saw an issue.  She gave us some exercises to do with him at home, and if he does not improve, he will have to go to physical therapy.  Well, we were already doing some of those things (just from common sense) and he went from never using his left side to not hating it.  I am sure that with some more concentration, we will be perfect!

We are proud of our big boy :-)  Hopefully this means that he'll be sleeping more soundly.

Oh, sleep!  This boy has established a routine......not really!  Once I figured it out, it's not.  I fear every night I will be up late with him, but then it is never as bad as I thought it would be.  I am never happy.  If he's sleeping all day, I am worried he won't sleep.  If he is fussy all day, I am worried that he will carry those issues into the night.  Ho-hum!

Owen loves his daddy!  And so do I!!!  He is my savior!  I don't ask him to, but when he gets home, he takes Owen and battles with him during his fussy period.  God Bless Him!  He has gotten really good at knowing his son and calming him down.  I can't wait to hear about the juicy details of their father-son bonding talks when he is older!  Here are some pictures of Dave and Owen doing their thing!

Owen and I went to Grandma and Grandpa Weiss for the day today.  I asked to see his baby pictures.  Well, I am glad that I was there for the birth, because Owen is ALL DAVE!  His nose, eyes, mouth and cheeks.  Oh, wait!  He has my forehead.  Well, like I said.....at least I know he's mine :-)

One day at a time with this little guy.  For now, stay tuned!!!!!!

4 weeks old

Tomorrow Owen is four weeks old.  One month.  Ahhhh!  Time has flown!  It is scary to think about where we were one month ago.  It is scary to look back on the journey and see what kind of an adjustment we had to go through.  It is refreshing to have Dave remind me that there should not be a repeat to those days on the nights that Owen is a little difficult, and then the night ends up just fine.

I think in the last month, we have found out what Owen's likes and dislikes are, and we have adjusted to those.  He still is very time consuming, but those times are a lot more tolerable.  Looking back on it all, I have no idea how I went several days without any sleep.  Phew! 

Anywho, today we had a visit from Aunt Jaime, Nathan and Abby.  This was a great reason to take updated pictures.   It's sometimes hard to remember to grab the camera on those day to day functions.

This is my Goddaughter, Abigail holding Owen

Owen was holding his pacifier in his own mouth.  Does he really know what he was doing?

Aunt Jaime, holding Owen

All in all, we are still taking it one day at a time, and loving all of the support that we have!

Nonna's house

Nonna is Italian for Grandma.  This is what all of the grandkids call my mom.  It's a magical place.   All kids have a better day after being with Nonna.  Owen included.  He slept when we were there, was awake and in a good mood for pictures, went back to sleep when we went home, and went to bed early with a decent night to follow.

Yesterday, all six grandkids were at Nonna's house.  Of course, we had to have a photo shoot of the triplets.  The day was a lot less crazy than I thought it was going to be. 

Here is Jamyson on the left (Amanda and Bryan's (my brother) son), Anthony in the middle (Jessica (my sister) and Frank's son) and Owen on the right.

From left to right is Owen, Anthony and Jamyson

Owen is in front, Jamyson is on the left with his feet near Owen's head, and Anthony is on the right with his head on Owen's thigh.

We had a lot of fun taking these pictures, and I hope we will do it again and again :-)

2 week check-up

So Sunday Owen will be three weeks......time is going by faster then when I was pregnant....thank God!  But today marked his two week appointment.

This was so much different from our last appointment.  Last appointment I was teary eyed, running 5 days without hardly any sleep.  I was thinking "if this is my life...what did I do!?!?"  I was ashamed, but I now know that this was all normal.  There are several family members who shared that they have felt the same way with their first. 

But now......I am running errands, showing him off and just plain enjoying being a mom!  If Owen keeps his routine, I will remain sane; and be able to enjoy being a mom!

Well, this Dr appointment proved that all of our hard work was worth something!  Owen weighed 9lbs 12ozs (he was 8lbs 4.8ozs at birth) and measured 22 1/2 inches (he was 20 inches at birth).  YAY!  Dr Carstens said that Owen is going to be a pudgy breast-fed baby.  I am OK with that :-)  She said that he is thriving! 

She is not thrilled with him sleeping in the bouncy seat because of concerns about his head support.  I think if she saw it, she would be fine with it.  She also said that I was an excellent mother, and she would like to see me have 3 or 4 children, but I assured her that two will be plenty, and three years apart is our plan.  She asked me to reconsider, because she knows I was meant to be a mom.  I just smiled, and said.....I know what I want!

Sunday we will start bottle training!  WOW!  3 weeks old :-)  He will be right on our schedule...that went by fast!  I already have a decent supply of milk in the freezer, and I feel good about getting him bottle feeding.  My supply should at least double in the next week......YAY!  Pretty soon, I'll be going back to work.....UGH!

As for now, Owen is in the 90th percentile for weight and height, and 75th percentile for his head.  I'll take that :-)  Looks like we have our football player!  Now we need our cheerleader!

Just hangin' around!

Here are some pics of Owen from the past week. 

Dave swears to be a big part of Owen's life!  He'll come home from work, change his clothes, and then Owen goes missing.  Of course, Dave has him until feeding time.  The best part: he loves it, and cherishes every minute with his son!

My favorite part (when it's not 4:30 AM) is snuggling :-)  my Grandma made a blanket that is perfect for the day time.  This is a picture of him on my chest in Gigi's blanket.

During his awake time, he likes his lounger.  Yes.  This is actually what it is called.  It is meant for just that.  A newborn lounger.  He'll hang out there most of the time just watching whatever.  It's nice to be able to put him someplace quick without having to hold him.

I cannot believe he is 2 weeks already!  YAY!


For the most part, he has been a good baby.  He usually only cries when he is hungry.  Each day brings a new discovery of his personality.  I just hope that we have this night time thing solved.  I would not like to go back to that.

Ode to the bouncy seat

In the land of babies lies this bouncy seat.  It's not just any seat, it's a magical seat.  It's a seat that has been passed  through the Weiss family, and has made it to Owen :-)

When Owen's Aunts Sara and Laura told me about this seat, I put it in the corner just to use when I take a shower, or to just have a second one when I am upstairs doing laundry or anything else.  We quickly found out that it is worth a million.  It has a vibrating option that is continuous.  Well, Owen is the type of baby who is calmed by the vibration, and wakes up when it stops.  We have another bouncy seat that stops after 30 minutes, which is fine during the day, but when Owen is beside himself in the middle of the night, we need that vibration to last all night long.  After the 11:30ish feeding, he usually goes down in his crib for the rest of the night.

We are trying hard to get Owen to sleep in his crib.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes he needs help.  Some nights when he needs help, we have him in the magical bouncy seat.  We put that vibration on, and drape the nice, heavy blanket that Aunt Sara made him, and tuck him in tight.  The seat is in our room, which tends to be chilly, so the blanket is key.  We tuck it in under the blanket tight so that it does not reach his face.  If incase that does happen, he is upright, so I feel confident that it is not a SIDS concern.

Thank you, Aunt Laura for starting this wonderful trend, and thank you Aunt Sara for stressing how much your youngest, Leah loved it.

Every night I praise that seat.  Because of it, we have not missed out on several hours of our precious sleep.

Below is a picture of what Owen looks like during his difficult time.  It looks like the blanket is half-way up his face, but really it's in the middle of his belly.  It's pulled tight, so the angle makes it look that way.

Settling in

Since the birth of Owen, we have been trying to get used to everything.  We have been through every emotion from crying, to laughing, to purely elated!  Some of our emotions included exhaustion.  Poor little Owen was struggling the first few nights at home with gas and exhaustion as well.  It was hard for me to remember where he came from, and how scared he must be.  Without the support of family and daddy, Owen would not have gotten the help adjusting that he needed. 

Dave and I were determined to be parents.  We figured that since we had the "A-Team" that we could get through anything.  True, but Owen has already taught us something.  Even the best parents need help!  I think it was the third night home that I had to call Dave's mom at 6:30AM because for the fourth night in a row, Mom and Dad had not gotten any sleep.  Owen would settle down, and then wake up screaming about 5 minutes later.  Nothing would help.  That is, except for sleeping on someone's chest.  Well, we all know that it is highly not recommended to fall asleep with a baby on your chest, and working in the ER, treating these babies has recruited me to the cautious side.  So there you go......no sleep for anyone!

I am so grateful that Dave took off a week and two days.  I would have gone insane if I had to go through this by myself!  So Nancy came over, and took Owen for a couple of hours.  She then stated that she would be sleeping over the next night to give us sleep.  God bless her! 

Nancy came over that night, and experienced what we had been going through.  She walked him, rocked him and sang to him all night long!!!  Poor lady got no sleep!  Thankfully, that was the last night that I remember being traumatic.

Owen has seemed to understand the meaning of night time.  Sometimes he has a bad night, and that is resolved by putting him in our room on his bouncy seat that vibrates.  I really wanted to have him in his crib all the time, but something's gotta give when sleep is involved.  There are worst things that we could be doing.  But for the majority, he is in his crib.  YAY!!!!

I still live in fear of the night.  When Owen sleeps all day, we are fearful of a long night.  So far, he has proved us wrong.  He'll get a late start, but he'll go down around 12AM-1AM.  When he is up all day, he still won't go down until late.  Go figure.  Last night, he slept all day, and went down at 7PM and woke up twice to feed....Way to go, Owen!!!!!

Here are some pictures of those who have come to visit and help settle Owen in :-)  he is one lucky baby!

Owen is here!!!

Let's go back to Friday, Sept 10, 2010.  I have already been having Braxton Hicks contractions that have been very painful for about two months.   Not these.  These contractions were different.  Not more intense, just different.  Dave and I always joke that that night will be it.  But this time, I thought it really might!  Well, I was removed form work, so I had Friday to myself.  I was forcing myself to nest.  I was doing the laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, and resting in between. 

I was determined!  If we were going to the hospital, we were not coming back until our little guy was with us!  I was rolling on the exercise ball, and making a nice stuffed pork tenderloin.  Well, the night went on, and I couldn't sleep.  These contractions were getting annoying.  We were timing them, and they were between 4 and 8 minutes apart, but regular.  I couldn't wait any longer.

2AM now on Sat, Sept 11, 2010, I called the Dr.  He said that I was contracting long enough, and to come in the hospital at 6AM if I could wait that long.  He said if I was dilated, he would break my water.

So off to my parents' house we went. They live about 15 minutes form the hospital, and that beats the 45 minutes that it would have taken us :-)  I was more comfortable knowing that if anything happened, I would be much closer to the hospital!  Sooooo, I never slept.  Dave slept another 2 hours, but I did not.  I woke him up, and we were on our way to the hospital.

During the exam, it revealed that the contractions were there and regular, but then started fading fast, and becoming irregular.  Not to mention I was still only 1cm dilated............ugh!  What!??!?  I am sure that the Dr would have broke my water, but the nurses said that I probably would have gotten sent home.

As I was chatting with my sister (who was just being released from giving birth to my nephew, Anthony) I felt a little something.........MY WATER BROKE!!!!!!!!!!  At 9AM, I am guaranteed to NOT go home!  That was my goal!  Our next goal was to have a baby.........YAY!!!

It took about 2 hours for me to reach 2cm.  Then each time they checked, I had advanced quite quickly.  We were thinking 7PM we will have this little life.

Not soooooo much!!!  After much pain, vomiting and plain old uncomfortable, Owen was FINALLY born on Sunday, Sept 12, 2010 at 2:31AM.  8lbs, 4.5ozs and 20 inches long.  PHEW!!!!!!

Special thanks to my parents, Dave's parents, Jaime and Dave who were with me every step of the way.  They were there for every hour of this difficult labor that went well into the early morning.  Dave breathed through every contraction with me, Jaime was there for overall support and my mom was there for my motherly support.  Those three were there to see Owen born, which on so many levels was memorable and special.  Dave's mom peeked in when she could, and then dads stayed in the waiting room.  I am sooooo loved, and so is Owen!

Here are some pictures of our ordeal!